Can People Change? How and Why Do They? The Importance of Change in Achieving Goals
Do you believe people can change? Have you ever changed? Why or why not? What was your motivation? How did you do it? This week, we will build on last week’s lesson on effective training and discuss if people can change and, if they can, how and why they change. Then, we’ll discuss the importance of changing to realize goals. So you can achieve your dreams and live your best life, of course!
There is more than one way to grandma’s house
As I’ve mentioned, we all know there is more than one way to get to grandma’s house. Typically, there is a quick way, usually via a highway, or a slower, more scenic way, perhaps a drive through the mountains, along the shore, or through some beautiful small towns. There may be a third way, maybe a combination of the two routes. In either case, the result is the same. You know this to be true because when you select a destination in your GPS (Global Positioning System), it will ask you if you want the fastest route or a route that avoids toll roads. Maybe you set it up in your default to tell you about the quickest way without being asked each time you use it. However you choose to plot your course, the result is you get to grandma’s house.
It’s the same way as becoming successful in life, reaching your goals, achieving your dreams, and living your best life. Some people may have been taught by their parents, teachers, mentors, or otherwise picked up the formula along the way and are satisfied they are on course to do and have all they want in life. I respect these folks because they likely figured it out early in life. Doing so also likely eliminated stress caused by financial concerns or the unpleasantness of working a job they did not like. Figuring out the secret sauce early in life is the most desirable situation.
Story time…
To make the point, I have a short story. Many of you know that I am a substitute instructor at Tulsa Technology Center, where I teach aircraft maintenance to aspiring aircraft maintenance technicians (AMTs), or what used to be called mechanics. The job is far more advanced than it used to be, and the skills needed are far higher than in the past. Today’s AMTs need to understand computers, sophisticated avionic systems, composite materials, and other skills not needed when they were just mechanics. Many systems are interdependent and require a complete understanding of the dependence of one system on the other. Heck, we sometimes joke that a modern airplane is just a bunch of computers flying in close formation!
Here's the point of this story. I’m about to teach a two-month block of general aircraft studies to two groups of high school students who attend TTC for half of a day. One class is in the morning, and one is in the afternoon. These students, at 16 years of age, have made a career decision that will allow them to leap ahead of many of their peers. When they graduate high school, they will be one-third of the way through their training and will be prepared to enter the workforce, fully trained and licensed by the US government at 19 or 20 years of age. If these young AMTs make good decisions, they will be well on their way to making over $100K in just a few short years. Again, if they make good choices, aided by parents or other mentors, they will have set their path to achieving their dreams and living their best life earlier than most people. If you think being an AMT is just another blue-collar job without a future, you will be surprised to know that many blue-collar jobs pay more than many college graduates. If you indeed are surprised to learn this fact, I might suggest some research into the potential of trade work. It’s not what it used to be, and many trade people can live extraordinary lives.
Similarly, the young person who knows what they want when they graduate high school, earn a college degree, or get into a well-paying trade will not have to make dramatic changes later in life. Starting early in life is the key in any case.
The point of that diversion is that making good decisions early in life pays enormous dividends throughout a career, and these folks don’t need to change. They may need to correct course at some point, but dramatic change will probably not be required. I was not like this, and many of you probably are not either. That is why, today, I’m writing about the need to change.
That wasn’t me. It’s not most people, either
When I graduated from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, I joked that my class ring was from “The School of Hard Knocks.” I did many things in life the hard way; I would not listen when my parents or other people who had my best interest at heart tried to give me advice. I made some poor decisions that caused me a lot of needless hard work. I’ve watched friends and family members make the same mistakes and poor decisions. I knew the results in advance and then was forced to watch it play out. Knowing you can’t say or do anything is hard to watch. Because unless you have been able to influence them since they were young, they will not listen. They are destined to The School of Hard Knocks, just like I was. Truth be told, that is most people.
I’ve mentioned that my target audience for Afterburner Success Partners is not the few who have figured it out. It’s not the large percentage of people who have not and will never figure it out. This group, the vast majority, is the one that causes me great concern, not only for them individually but for our country, because we would all benefit if everyone could figure it out. Indeed, it’s the small group of people who have not figured it out yet but want to figure it out and join the group of those who have figured it out. These are the folks I hope to help. Unless you just really enjoy reading my writing, I suspect this group might be you. The reason you want to join that first group is simple: To achieve your dreams and live your best life. If this is you, then you probably have already figured out that you must do something different to get from here to there because your path will not get you to Grandma’s house. Indeed, you will run out of gas before you get there. You must change.
Why would a person change?
Here’s a disclaimer before I get into this conversation. I’m not a psychologist studying human behavior, although I find this a fascinating field of study, and I read a lot on the topic. What I am is a guy who has been around the block a few times, and I’ve seen and personally experienced what works and what does not. That’s my perspective from The School of Hard Knocks. I’m guessing you will agree with me as you read the following paragraphs.
Most people don’t like change, and many will do almost anything not to have to change. To the extent that the lack of change hurts them or hinders their progress. Indeed, these people confirm what Albert Einstein said so many years before: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” It’s the same with the quote: “Those that fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” It was either George Santayana or Winston Churchill in a speech to the House of Commons in 1948 who spoke these words. Regardless, for many of us, there is ample evidence that change is needed, and often, it’s as simple as looking in the mirror or honestly assessing one’s current situation. Why won’t people who know full well what they are doing is not in their best interest refuse to change? There are probably many reasons, but the one that sticks out to me is pride. Oh, my, pride has brought down the many and the mighty! Letting down our guard, and saying “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry” is just too much for many people to do. To their own detriment, I might add. That said, what causes a person to change?
In my experience, the number one reason people change is that they are forced into a crisis where the only way out is to do something different, to change their behavior. What are some examples of this? Here are a few:
Excessive debt
Addiction of some type
Marital crisis
Loss of a relationship
A health scare
Death of a loved one
Loss of a job
In trouble due to breaking the law
A feeling of hopelessness
Realizing what you are doing currently will not allow you to do what you want in the future. This may not be a crisis now, but continued inaction will cause it to be one
I hope that the last bullet point is what you are experiencing, as it is the mildest of the listed crises. I would not wish any of these situations on anyone, but life is life, and these things happen. Unfortunately, I have been through a few of these crisis situations. Sadly, it took a crisis to change me. Not once, not twice, but probably four or five to get to where I am today. Maybe that’s you, too. If you’ve decided to do something different, I hope I can help you make that journey. Remember, Afterburner Success Partners takes you where you are!
How do people change?
Let’s assume you or someone you know has been experiencing one of the crisis situations listed above. Or perhaps one I have not mentioned. Regardless, you know they need to change, and you or they have committed to do it. Making that commitment and seeing it through is an entirely different conversation I won’t go into here, but I will during the course, where I often talk about making a commitment and sticking with it. Let’s assume the person we are talking about has decided to change and wants to go down that path. How do they change?
Reaching out to a loved one or close friend for help
Seeking help from a therapist or other medical professional
Finding a mentor
Taking a class or completing an education program to get what you want
Reading a book
The sheer will and determination to overcome at all costs
Prayer or other divine intervention
For me, it was a combination of several of the above solutions, and it probably is for most people as well. I realized I did not have the education I wanted and needed, so I returned to school to complete my formal education. I entered an emotional crisis that caused me to realize my faith was not where it should be. I have always been a reader, reading all I can to learn more. I particularly like to read about how I can make this course more valuable. Then, and probably most importantly, I’ve had the sheer will and determination to doggedly work through issues until they are resolved.
This is my experience on why people change. Either abruptly through crisis, the most common case, or through a realization that they are not on a good path and must do something different. These are the fortunate folks because they have probably not been hurt yet, and if they take the necessary action, they could prevent the crisis or hurt proactively.
Can people change?
The simple answer is yes; of course, people can change. Significant life changes are possible but often challenging. For example, if you find yourself in excessive debt and seek a solution from Dave Ramsey, he will tell you to stop all spending and change your diet to rice and beans until you get out of debt. If you are in trouble with the law and are fortunate, a judge will see potential in you and offer you a way to get out, perhaps by completing a course in addiction recovery or public service while you consider your ways. Maybe you seek the counsel of The Almighty. Possibly, and most likely, your path to change results from multiple actions, either in order or parallel. In all instances, what I just told you was simple to state. Being successful, well, you see, that’s just not easy. This is where we need determination and long-suffering.
The importance of change in achieving goals, realizing dreams, and living your best life
We probably fall into one of three categories of people seeking success:
Those who made good life decisions are already on their way to success.
Those who think or dream about success but don’t take the necessary action to achieve it. This is the majority of people. If you’ve ever heard of the strategy of hope or stated differently, hope is not a strategy; this is what that means.
Those who realize there is something better recognize the need to change and begin that process.
If you are in the first group, congratulations! Please refer this post and web address to any family or friends who may need it.
If you are in the second group, well, then it just is what it is.
For those of us in the third group, the good news is that you are in the right place. The course I put together will help you plan your own individualized path from where you are today to almost anything you want to achieve. You must have the courage and determination to take the first step and either sign up for the course or contact me directly.
You know what you need to do, so let’s get started! That’s all for this week!
What’s in it for Me
Everyone wants to achieve their dreams and live their best life. For the majority of us, that means we need to consciously consider if our lifestyle and actions are leading us to the success we want or if we need to do something different. That different may entail change. Change is not only hard, we don’t like it, but the fact is the only constant in life is change. Change may be what’s in it for you. If so, I think it’s a good thing!
Call to Action
This week, ponder your lifestyle and ask yourself if you are on a path to living as you desire, that is if you are achieving your dreams and living your best life. If not, sign up for the course to get on track. Refer this post to any family or friends who could benefit from it.
Recommended Resources
John P. Kotter is, in my opinion, one of the foremost authorities in change and managing the change process. Start out this week by visiting his website and signing up for his newsletter at kotterinc.com. Visit his “8 steps to accelerate change” tab. While primarily for business, the process is also applicable for personal change. Purchase his books listed. I’ve spent many years focusing on organizational change and improving organizations, and any talk of change, personal or organizational, would be incomplete without referencing John P. Kotter. He has several books, and all of them are worth your time and effort to read them. If you are in a leadership role or desire to be, John P. Kotter needs to be an essential term in your vocabulary.
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Review time!
Notes
Please note that as an Amazon Affiliate, I may earn a small commission on the sale of any of these recommended resources.
1. John P. Kotter website kotterinc.com
2. The Heart of Change by John P. Kotter: https://amzn.to/48bXJcX
3. Leading Change by John P. Kotter: https://amzn.to/4f8ZlpN